Perhaps this would be better as a New Year's post, but I always find that Christmas is the time I reminisce while New Years is a time for looking forward. As I put ornaments on the tree, I see the handmade ornaments made by my children in years past. I see ornaments from my childhood. My parents started a tradition which I've continued with my kids of buying an ornament with the year on it each Christmas. I still have many of those ornaments and they remind me of Christmases past. I'm reminded how quickly life goes by and how uncertain our lives can be.
In the past year, an acquaintance unexpectedly lost her husband, several friends lost parents, friends have received worrisome diagnoses, and friends have moved away. Many of these things could not have been foreseen last year this time. Rather than worry and fret about the uncertainty of the future, I try to focus on the present moment and remember to be grateful for all of the people and blessings in my life this Christmas.
Sometimes at night when I'm tucking my children into bed and lying there with them while they try to go to sleep, I stop to think of how truly blessed I am. I hear their soft breathing and I think how lucky we are to have two healthy children. Sometimes I find tears springing to my eyes as I realize how grateful I am for all I have. It is almost scary to me sometimes when I think of how blessed I am and I worry that the future will take away those things. I try to put those thoughts aside and focus on the present moment.
I think it is so easy as a busy mom to focus on the daily minutiae and let time pass by. My children are growing up right before my eyes, but if I look only at the everyday I miss it. I recently had to purge old photos from my phone. I had over 7000 photos on there that I had taken over the last 3 years! I was amazed to see how much my children have changed in just a few years. My son doesn't look like the baby he was when he was 2, he no longer uses a pacifier or sleeps in a crib. My daughter has a more grown up hairstyle with no bangs now, her face is thinner and her legs are longer. When I looked back at photos from past Christmases, I saw how much they change in just a year. I vowed at that moment to try to appreciate and treasure the everyday moments more this coming year.
I also noticed as I looked back at photos from past Christmases just how much my parents have changed. When we're young, we think of our parents as unchanging and unchangeable. My parents have begun to decline in recent years, however, and looking back I noticed the changes. Two Christmases ago, my father was able to walk with a cane and stand with no trouble, now he is mostly confined to a wheelchair. My mother outwardly looks only slightly older, but she has started to suffer from dementia. Seeing their decline has also been a sharp reminder of my own mortality.
Seeing my parents aging reminds me that I, too, am getting older. Someday, if I live long enough, I will also go through the unpleasant changes associated with aging. Life is finite. Perhaps that realization is the greatest gift this year, though. If we live our lives as if they will go on forever, we may fail to see the beauty and wonder of it. If we have no awareness of the passage of time or our own mortality, then we won't appreciate what we have and treasure those around us. Remembering that time is fleeting gives us the impetus to make the most of the time we have.
Some excellent advice someone gave me when my husband and I got married almost 11 years ago was that during our wedding reception, we should take a moment to simply step back and look around at everyone gathered there to celebrate with us. We took that advice and we paused for a moment to look around and be grateful for all of our friends and family who cared enough to share that special time with us. I've never forgotten that moment. I think it is important to take those moments throughout our lives.
So, this Christmas, my wish for you is that you will treasure each moment with your friends and family. Hold those moments close in your heart. Be truly grateful for your blessings. I know that many are hurting this Christmas and have lost loved ones over the past year. I wish you peace and comfort. I also hope that the loved ones who do surround you this year will bring you a measure of comfort and joy.
Lovely post, Jennifer.
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