Most of my posts so far have been about how great homeschooling is and how much I love teaching my children, blah, blah, blah. They may border on pollyannaish. Well, today is a different kind of post. Today I will be perfectly honest about the other side of teaching your own kids. It is not all fun and games. Some days just suck. Today (and maybe yesterday too) was that kind of day.
People often tell me that they could never homeschool their kids because they don't have that kind of patience. They tell me they couldn't handle being home with their kids all day long and trying to teach them. They tell me I must be so patient and good with kids. Honestly, I don't think I'm any different than most moms. I'm no more or less patient. I, too, have days when I wouldn't win any parenting awards. I am working continually on improving my patience, trying to respond with love and trying to respond calmly to my children. But it is a work in process.
Since I homeschool, I really don't get a break from my "job". I don't get vacations, I don't get weekends, and I don't get lunch breaks. I am pretty much with my kids 24/7/365 other than the occasional date night or girl's night out. Usually, this is ok. It allows for lots of bonding and I can really get to know and understand my kids. Some days, though, I just need a break. Today I actually considered putting them back in school so I could wave goodbye to them in the morning and have 7 kid-free hours! It was just that kind of day.
Going back to homeschooling after Christmas break has been hard for both me and the kids. I got used to having my husband home to help out with the kids as needed. It was great to tag out now and then so I could run an errand alone or just have a mental break. They got used to having him home to play with them and do things for them if I was busy. I dreaded his return to work on the Monday after New Year's. Also, the kids had a long break from more formal school and we gave them ample (too much?) time to play video games over the break. They've struggled with focusing on school work and reducing the amount of video games they play. I'm also having a hard time getting back into the routine of going to bed at a decent hour and waking up at 6:30 so I can be ready to face the day by the time the kids wake up around 8:00.
This morning I got up at 7:00 after snoozing my alarm a few times. I was feeling sore and tired after going ice skating with my daughter the night before (my first time ice skating in about 15 years) and staying up too late watching a movie with my husband after we got the kids in bed. I managed to get showered, get dressed, and make the bed before the kids got up at 8:00. Breakfast was ok except both kids seemed sullen and were disappointed that the doughnuts we had yesterday (as a special treat) were all gone. Then, my son asked if he could play with his iPad. When I told him that today was a school day and he could play with it after 3:00, he started wallowing on the floor and whining and saying that he hates school and school days.
My son finally got over his temper tantrum and we went upstairs to start school. He was pretty cooperative and started in on his first activity, building mosaic pictures of fish with geometric shaped stickers (a great fine motor activity for a 5 year old). My daughter, however, had trouble settling into any activity that I felt was appropriately educational for a 7 year old. She rejected all of the things I had planned for her. She wanted to make origami animals with a book we have. I wasn't thrilled with her choice, but I needed her to be occupied while I worked with my son, so I let it go. I figured she'd do something else later. Then, as I was doing math with my son, my daughter kept interrupting by complaining that she couldn't do the origami and needed my help. Can you understand my irritation?
The day pretty much went on like that with times of learning peppered with more yelling from me than I usually do in a week or so. I was irritated with their behavior and even more irritated and disappointed in myself for my behavior. After lunch, we went to a homeschool board game playdate at the library. I thought this would be a much needed break for all of us. I thought this would be a great opportunity for the kids to meet some new friends. As it turns out, they only wanted to play with each other and didn't really seem interested in the other kids. Less than an hour into it, they were screaming at each other over the game they were playing. I encouraged them to play with the other kids, but they weren't interested in what they were playing and they kept saying they wanted to go pick out library books and go home. I was defeated so we checked out a few books and left.
I am assuming there is a lesson in this. I try to always find the learning in bad situations. I think it may be that I need to stop pushing my agenda on them so much. I need to relax a bit and trust the process. If my daughter wants to do origami instead of math, maybe I should go with that and see it as a lesson in geometry and art. If they aren't able to settle down and concentrate on school, maybe I need to let them take a break and exercise for a while. I can't force them to make new friends. I can only offer opportunities.
I also think I need to focus more on my well-being. If I'm not doing well, our whole day tends to be off. My frame of mind and my attitude tends to influence them. Often it seems that the more I yell, the more they misbehave and fight with each other, possibly because my irritation stresses them and they act out (or maybe they find my antics amusing!). I need to get to bed earlier and be sure that I start the day well rested. I need to plan some time for exercise and relaxation or reading- possibly in the mornings before they get out of bed. It's not easy to juggle, but, as they say in the airplane safety speeches, I need to put my oxygen mask on first. Only then can I assist my children.
Something that always worked for me is when my children did not want to do what I planned was to tell them to go to their room until they had a teachable spirit. Their bedroom was only a place to sleep or read books. There were not any toys , games, tv's , iPads…you get the idea. They would go to their room, decompress and come back ready to tackle the lesson. Initially they might be up there hours and eventually it will only take 10 to 15 minutes. I told my children that their job for 12 years was their education. Each day they had to accomplish their job but what order the wanted to do what was their choice. For each task completed the earned whatever we agreed upon i.e.: tv time,wii time…rewards work well. Grocery shopping is a great lesson too. They have to create a shopping list ( writing and spelling) and total the cost rounding to the nearest dollar ( math). Individual pads keep it quiet because they are detectives trying to get their purchases closest to the budget amount given. Kids love being spies and detectives. You got this ! I was a 24/7 mom and my husband traveled Monday through Friday - my best advice is a early bed time and a scheduled predictable day. My kids were most hungry at 4 thats when I fed them dinner- at 6 they had a snack - 6:30 bath - 7 books- 7:30 bedroom to go to bed.I told my kids I turned into the nightly witch and was not a nice mom because I was tired so that meant they had to go to bed at 7. I even put darkening shades in their room. This worked until 3-4th grade.
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